The Long Journey Back to the Isle
by 184
Summary: Set after a slightly different version of Isle Esme, Edward discovers bondage is the key to Bella's safety. After a horrific kidnapping, will Edward and Bella ever get back to the happiness they found on Isle Esme? Mature Themes!
1. Happiness Found

**Author's Note: Welcome to my newest work and a new venture for me. This fic is rated "M" for mature sexual content, please do not read if you are offended by such material. This story starts out fluffy, then gets very dark- you have been warned. Light bondage scenes. Please leave your thoughts by reviewing! Thanks.**

Happiness Found

A low growl rippled in Edward's chest. "Bella, you must stay still if this is to work," he demanded of me.

This must be the ultimate sexual frustration. Through all the time I had dated Edward, the most I could ever get out of him physically was a cold embrace and the occasional drawn out kiss. Now we were married, and finally I was going to get him- all of him, and he wanted me to be still?

"I'm trying," I assured him, and I truly was. Edward's lips moved down my neck as he gripped firmly at my bare waist. My hair, still damp from our swim earlier, splayed out behind me as I tried to keep my hands off his bare body revealed to me for the first, glorious time.

Yeah, me being still just wasn't happening. My hand, of its own accord, reached up to softly trail down Edward's chiseled chest. This time I made it to just below his belly button, my fingers grazing his hair that led down to the part of him that I yearned to be connected with before he yanked my hand away.

"Isabella!" Edward growled at me again. He never used my full name, and I could hear the agitation in his voice.

"Edward," I half groaned and half wined at him. "You can't seriously expect me to be able to stay still! Please, just keep going. You're not going to hurt me."

Our argument was interrupted by the pleasant ring of Edward's phone. He looked over to see who it was and quickly answered it. I knew it must be family, and they would only call if it was important.

"Couldn't you see you were calling at a bad time," Edward answered as he held the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"No, I didn't open that bag. Alice, this is a bit intrusive- even for you." Edward flipped the phone shut as he straddled over me. I worried my lower lip in anticipation of what this interruption meant to our honeymoon night.

"Love," Edward said softly, moving his hand to gently cup my chin. "Would you allow me two minutes?"

I just nodded in response to his soft voice. Edward slowly moved off of me and I watched his bare form leave me alone as he exited the room. I was suddenly distraught as I sat up in the gigantic bed. I was naked and alone on what was supposed to be the best night of my life and it seemed it was all falling apart. And it was entirely my fault. I couldn't just control myself? My eyes started to burn with tears that would soon betray me to Edward.

Before they had the chance to over flow he returned to me. "Are you alright?" he asked me urgently, reaching for my neck as he sat down beside me.

I should have realized that even though I managed to keep my tears from betraying me, my heart I could not control. "I'm fine." The shake in my voice did not give him any assurance. I looked into his eyes and saw he was unsure. "You're giving up aren't you?" I asked him, devastated at the disaster our honeymoon had turned out to be.

Edward raised my chin up so my eyes met his again. "No, not at all." Edward gave me that familiar crooked smile. "Bella, I need you to keep an open mind, I think we can do this, but I need you to trust me."

I was suddenly infused with hope again. "Edward, I trust you entirely; the problem is you don't trust yourself."

He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he sat down on the bed beside me. "You are probably right." He looked at me meaningfully, seeming to search for some sort of answer. Then he reached down beside the bed and pulled up one of the many bags Alice had packed for us. I hadn't seen it in his hand when he walked back in.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked him why we were playing with luggage when there are much more pressing matters at hand.

Rather than answering me, he unzipped and reached in the bag, slowly pulling out what looked to be a long red silk rope. I looked at him in question and wonder. "Do you trust me?" he asked again.

It clicked together in my head what he was implying. Edward was going to tie me up. "You should see the look on your face right now," he commented as he set the rope in my lap for me to inspect.

I took the rope in my hand and ran it over my fingers, noticing how soft and cool it was. Yes, I trusted Edward- I trusted and loved him with all my being. But was I willing to let him tie me up?

"Yes," I answered with a voice that was sturdier than I expected it to be.

He didn't question my resolve, though I half expected him to. "We're going to take this slowly. If you want me to stop, just say so. Bella," Edward paused as he took the rope in his hands as well, "you don't have to do this."

"Let's try it. Please Edward?"

He just nodded in response to me. I let go of the rope as he took it fully in his hands. I took a moment to take in my surroundings, and let them soothe my nerves. The light in the room was dim, but I could still see Edward's eyes glistening in the pale moonlight that peaked through the window. The room was warm, but pleasantly contrasted by Edward's cool temperature.

I wasn't the type of girl who liked to relinquish control. In fact, on numerous occasions Edward had crossed me with his overbearing nature. Those instances flashed through my mind as I realized the power I was giving him. I saw in a flash of memory Edward's deceptive face as he hid the threat of Victoria from me. I saw him as he sabotaged my truck in attempt to keep me from my best friend. And the most painful and traumatic of all, I saw him leave me in the forest for my own good. No, I didn't particularly like the idea of handing over my control.

I think Edward realized all this even more so than I did. He leaned into me slowly, meeting my lips with his coolness. His arms wrapped around me as I struggled to not return the gesture. "I love you," I pleaded, urging him onward.

I did, I loved Edward and I trusted him. And I was ready to act on that trust to teach him to trust himself.

Edward gave me a nod, and seemed to set himself that he was going to show me his love. His hands moved down my shoulders and to my hips as he moved me to the center of the bed. I uncurled my legs from beneath me as he kneeled above me, his lips now moving down the right side of my neck, kissing and licking my bare skin.

He gently pushed my shoulders down so I was lying flat on the bed and drew my right arm out above my head with my palm up. His mouth continued its journey and I shivered in pleasure as he reached the inside of my elbow.

Just a few moments later, Edward reached my wrist and kissed all the way around it before gently, but firmly tying the rope around. He then started the same process with my left arm. I didn't see or care how he had secured the rope, but I discovered its effectiveness when I reached for his head, trying to pull him closer to me. The rope only allowed me to move two inches, and as I hit that barrier, I instinctually tested it to see if I could get free.

Edward paused at my struggle and asked me urgently, "Are you ok, love? Is it too tight? I can-"

"I'm fine, Edward," I interrupted him. I made a very conscious effort to relax myself and not fight the restraints. Although he was not relieved by my words, the stillness of my body and the slowing of my heart seemed to bring him the assurance he needed.

He didn't tie my legs, and I admit I was somewhat relieved by this. I wasn't ready for it, and he knew it. "You are the most beautiful creature, Bella Cullen," Edward spoke to me in his deep, possessive voice. He kissed my chin and then worked his way down my neck. I gasped in delight when his mouth rested between my breasts. His fingers came up to lightly trace around the base of my breasts, slowly circling inward to my pink tips.

My hands reached for his hair wanting to bring his mouth back to mine. I needed to get his body aligned with me. I felt the sudden pull of the ropes stopping me from reaching Edward. I gave a little groan of frustration that quickly turned into a moan of pleasure when Edward's hands reached my nipples and tugged gently with his icy fingers.

Edward's eyes met mine with a grin on his face. "Nope, no touching for you," he playfully scolded me. He sat up above me, suspending his bottom just above my thighs. Oh how I wanted him to sink down, but instead, he ran his hands down from my breasts, slowly trailing towards my hips.

I used my free legs as leverage and pushed myself up to meet his body. He quickly pushed me back down and placed his knee between my legs. "If you don't stay still, I will tie your legs as well," he threatened in an intimidating voice.

It had the opposite effect. It aroused me even more as I pulled again against the ropes reaching for him. "Edward, please!" I managed. He moved his mouth back to mine, silencing my pleas. At vampire speed, Edward moved some pillows around me and under me as my hips now rested off the bed. As Edward continued to kiss me, I felt his hand graze between my legs for the first time. My heart quickened at the pleasant, yet frightening sensation.

It was a bit frightening. I had seen Edward's size earlier in the night and it was intimidating. He was surely larger than most. This was going to hurt. It would be wonderful, and I still wanted it more than anything- but it was still going to hurt.

"Bella," Edward called to me, trying to get back my attention as his fingers caressed between my folds. "Breathe," he instructed as he grazed over my most sensitive place. I gasped in pleasure, not even realizing I had been holding my breath. "Relax," he instructed further.

I took a deep breath in and shuddered when the air left my lungs as Edward touched me again. His gaze focused on me, watching my reaction as he positioned himself at my entrance. My hand pulled against the restraints, wanting to bring him closer. "I will love you for eternity, Bella."

"Make me yours," I moaned back to him. He moved his hands up towards my head and gently framed my face. He made a quiet whispering sound, but I could not make out what he was saying. Edward slowly pushed himself forward into me. My eyes fluttered a little at the sensation and pressure, but I then I made a conscious decision to keep my eyes open and savor the sensation.

I felt him come up and stop at my barrier. He hesitated there a moment, allowing me to grow accustomed to him before moving forward. His head came down as his lips whispered at my ear, "My sweet, sweet Bella. Dear Lord, so beautiful." I felt the pain, but was overwhelmed by Edward's love. He continued to move forward until I was completely full with him. Then he froze and stopped and shifted his face above mine. "Are you okay, love?" he asked me urgently.

I nodded my head, but it didn't seem to be enough to convince him so I spoke out to him, "Yes, please don't stop." Edward started moving slowly and passionately inside me. His mouth occasionally met mine, but mostly kissed and licked the skin of my neck and jaw allowing me to breathe. The tension built as I neared bliss and Edward's motions slowly became more and more urgent.

He suddenly became stiff and moved with even more force. I watched in awe as the man whom I thought to be the most amazing person to ever walk the earth became even more breath taking. Edward shuddered and came undone as he obviously reached his climax. I gazed at him in wonder as his very soul was revealed to me. And here all this time, Edward was convinced he was a soulless monster. I had always disagreed with him, but now I had seen the evidence.

He didn't stop even though his own satisfaction had been met. His vampire abilities enabled him to continue, as he shifted his hips down and took a harsher angle as he continued to penetrate me. The result was a flood of new incomprehensible sensations that wracked my wired body. Only moments later I became undone, in the same manner Edward had. My eyes snapped shut as my body arched off the bed, my hands pulling against the ropes and my legs shaking in delight. Edward motions slowed slightly, enabling me to ride out my first orgasm without being over stimulated.

It took a while, but I finally caught my breath and opened my eyes to see Edward speechless. He just looked at me as if he had never seen anything like me in his entire existence.

The funny part was I knew exactly how he felt.


	2. Enjoying Paradise

Enjoying Paradise

I remember the morning following that first night. The sun served as nature's alarm clock as I stretched my arms over my head. I rolled onto my back and towards Edward. He was lying on his side, gazing at me intently. "How do you feel?" he asked me.

"Wonderful," I began, "amazing, in love. Perfect." I smiled at him and rolled to my side so I was fully facing him.

"Hmm, that sounds about right," Edward said. He leaned over to me and met my lips with a kiss.

I quickly pulled away, covering my mouth with my hand. "Morning breath- let me go brush my teeth." I made to get out of bed, but Edward stopped me and pulled me back to him. His lips fell back on mine and he picked up where he had left off.

"I really don't care," he managed to mumble between breaths. I wasn't in a fighting mood, so I let him have his way. He rolled me onto my back and suspended himself above me as his lips began to move down my neck. I took a deep breath enjoying the sensation. When Edward pulled away a couple inches, he made eye contact with me and asked again, "Are you sure you're alright? You're not sore anywhere?"

I was a little bit sore, but only on the place I expected to be. Besides that, I was whole and happy. "Did you want to check for yourself?" I taunted him.

"I think I will." Suddenly the sheets that were covering me were all removed. Edward knelt beside me and gazed at my body from head to toe. I should have felt exposed or embarrassed, but I didn't. I felt silly as I watched his concerned look change into one of relief, then joy. He quickly flipped me over and looked me up and down again, seemingly to come to a good conclusion.

"Not a single mark," he affirmed as he gently rolled me back over onto the pillows.

"Why would you have any doubt?"

"Alice had slipped once or twice, I had seen bruises. It horrified me that I would cause you injury. Alice had convinced me that the bruises were not at all severe and that I needed to face that possibility. Most importantly, she told me I had to go through with it anyways because the end result would be worth it. At the time, I didn't believe her; nothing was worth causing you pain. But then she showed me how devastated you were when I refused to try. I came to the conclusion that the small physical injury I could cause you would be much less than the massive emotional damage I would cause by not trying. I was certain there would be some marks, but there aren't any. Then again, I never saw the ropes. That was the key. I'm so sorry that it came to that."

"Don't be! Last night was everything I had ever hoped it would be. Granted I never thought my honeymoon would be so, well, kinky, it was still a dream Edward. You loved me, in body, mind and soul. You let me in, and I let you in, and I think it was perfect."

"Perfect," he agreed.

I sat in the bedroom on the last night of our time at Isle Esme, reflecting on how wonderful it all was.

That little bag that Alice had packed us had saved our honeymoon. Sure we were both a little embarrassed at first that she had the foresight that we would need it and get good use out of it. Yet, when Edward reminded me that he had seen her and Jasper in much more compromising situations over the years because of his gift, I felt a little better. That, and he also reminded me that one day, in the not so far future, I too would have vampire senses that would negate much of my modesty.

In that little red bag was the rope, a blindfold, some fuzzy cuffs and more rope. Fortunately for me, with Edward's extensive nautical experience, the rope didn't go neglected. As the week progressed, he got more and more adventurous. I was ever willing, delighted to see his his excitement and willingness.

"When do we have to leave tomorrow?" I asked him, sad that our three week honeymoon was coming to an end.

"We don't ever have to leave, as far as I'm concerned we can stay here forever."

"Ohh we will come back, but it's time Edward. I have some loose ends to see to, and then I have a date with forever to fulfill. I'm ready."

"I know you are, but there's no rush. We can stay another week."

Edward's constant insistence that I stay human for as long as possible was starting to take a toll on me. It made me wonder and even doubt if his feelings would be the same when I was changed. I was convinced he would still love me, but my fear was that we would somehow change.

Edward noticed the change in my demeanor. "Sometimes I would give almost anything to know what you are thinking," he said as he stared deeply into my eyes.

I fought the building moisture in my eyes, blinking back the threatening tears. "I just," I began, my voice unwavering despite my emotions, "I fear that we won't be the same when I am changed. Is that why you are so insistent that I spend more time human?"

"Bella, look at my family. Would any couple in my family lead you to believe that our love and feelings for our mate do anything but grow as we continue in our existence?"

"No, of course not." The Cullens were the picture of love, a portrait I very much wanted to be a part of.

"I fear that you might one day regret your choice. That one day you might regret changing. I don't want you to carry that burden for eternity."

"I will never have any regrets when it comes to this choice. There is nothing to regret about you. If I had it to do all over again, I would have walked the same path." Edward seemed at least somewhat satisfied by my answer.

"Our flight leaves at 1:00pm, we'll need to leave the island by 8:00am."

"Well then, if I am going to get any sleep tonight, we should probably get started. Let's make our last night here memorable, shall we?"

"Mmm, sounds like a good idea." Edward leaned over and placed his hand behind my head as he pulled my lips to his. "Did you know that women are capable of having multiple orgasms?"

Well that was a random question, but the way he asked it, as if it was something factual and scientific made it sound more like him. "Yes, I'm sure I've heard that somewhere, but I thought only some women are capable of that?"

"Shall we find out if you are one of the lucky ones? We can place bets, I bet that you are." Edward moved his hand down my spine slowly coming to rest on the small of my back.

"I am the luckiest girl on the planet; there is no way I am betting against you on this one."

"Then let us test my hypothesis, shall we?" Edward pulled out that all too familiar silk rope.

Edward was right. As it turned out I was capable of four before he stopped, insisting that any more could be hazardous to my health. Something about heart palpitations he had said. What a terrible way to go that would have been! My only consolation was that he promised to break that record once I was changed.

I fully intended to see that promise met.

As soon as possible.

We made it to the airport on time. I wasn't very aware after the exhausting night before, so it was good that Edward was always operating on all pistons.

First class was something that took some getting used to for me; I just wasn't accustomed to being doted over like that. Admittedly though, it was nice considering the long travel we had ahead of us.

When we finally landed in Seattle, it was the middle of the night- or maybe early morning, I really wasn't sure. Edward got all of the luggage and me to the premium parking area where we found the Volvo. One long nap later I awoke to being lifted from the car and carried upstairs. I didn't bother to stir much, instead I just leaned my head up against his cool chest as he climbed the stairs to our room.

I awoke the next morning to a quiet Cullen mansion. I found a note on the pillow beside me from Edward, letting me know he, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie had gone for a hunt. It was a bit of a relief; I needed some human time anyways.

I headed down stairs with my hair still damp, just wearing some comfortable sweatpants and one of Edwards grey tees. I was greeted by the smell of bacon as I rounded the corner to the kitchen. "Good morning, Bella," Esme greeted. "How does bacon and eggs sound?"

"You didn't have to cook for me," I only half protested. It smelled delicious after all. Esme was wearing a simple apron over a pair of casual jeans and a floral blouse. She gracefully pulled muffins from the oven and set them on the counter then served up the scrambled eggs and bacon to a plate.

"It's no bother dear, we missed having you around."

"Indeed," Carlisle chimed in as he entered the kitchen behind me. He was dressed in slacks and a button down tie, looked as if he was heading to work. "The house has been much too quiet without you two.

Esme set a plateful of breakfast in front of me at the counter where I pulled up a stool. As I ate, I couldn't help but wonder if Esme and Carlisle knew about what happened on Isle Esme. Would they disapprove? Did they even know? I had a sneaking suspicion they did know, after all Edward had repeatedly warned me that there were no secrets in this house.

The food was delicious and apparently my appetite had grown, because I ate it all and asked for seconds. "You're hungry this morning," Esme casually commented. "I normally have leftovers."

"Yeah, I guess I was," I admitted.

Esme continued to clean up the dishes as Carlisle made his way over and pulled up the stool beside me. "Have you and Edward discussed any dates yet for your transformation?"

"Well, no, not exactly that is. He is trying to delay, but I'm ready to start the next phase in my life. I think I'd be ready as early as next week, but I doubt I'll be able to get Edward to agree to that."

"It is very soon, though I understand your eagerness to be on equal footing with Edward. It may sound a little morbid, but is there anything else you would like to do before the change? Anyone you need to see one last time?"

"My dad, Charlie. I want him to know that I got home safe from the honeymoon. I want him to know how happy I am. I was thinking about going to his house tonight and making him dinner." It was a little strange to call it "his house" because for so long it was mine too.

"I think that's an excellent idea. Anyone else, anything else at all, Bella?"

"Jacob." I could only say his name. I had no idea what, if any, closure I could give him. But I owed him at least a goodbye. I wished I didn't have to say goodbye. I knew my choice would break the treaty that Carlisle had worked so hard to establish and maintain. "I'm sorry for what this will do to your relationship with the Quileutes. Is there anything we can do?"

"I'm afraid not, unless they are willing to renegotiate, which seems unlikely. Bella, you're worth it to us. We'll move on, they won't find us."

"I'm not afraid of them; I just wish it could all still work out. I wish that I wouldn't have to cut them out of my life forever and that you wouldn't have to leave Forks forever. Jacob, well he's my best friend, I don't know who I would have become without him there."

"The fire of the change will easily be the most painful experience of your life. Yet, perhaps the separation from those you love and care about will be almost as painful for you. None of us had the burden of knowing the end was near."

"Those I love and care about are here, Carlisle. I love Edward with all my heart and soul. But I also love you, as a father and Esme as a mother. I love Alice as the sister I never had, and Emmet and Jasper and even Rosaile. You're my family now."

"As you are a daughter to us," Esme came up on my other side and wrapped an arm around my shoulder pulling me into a hug.

"You truly are, our family is finally complete," Carlisle confirmed.

"Thank you. Well, I should probably get going," I said as I glanced at the clock on the oven. "I want to go get some groceries and stock up Charlie's fridge."

"Let us know if you decide to stay the night at your father's," Esme requested.

"Of course, thanks. I'll see you later." I took a moment to give them each a hug before heading out the door.

**Author's Note: Well that's the last of the fluff for a while. Hope you're enjoying this so far, please share your thoughts by reviewing.**


	3. Injury

Injury

The blood flowed down my wrist, trailing its way to my elbow and dripping into the sink. I reached for the dish towel and quickly wrapped it around my hand. As I reached down to pick up the offending kitchen knife my cell phone vibrated on the countertop.

I knew it would be Edward, but he would have to wait just a moment longer so I could clean up. I rinsed the knife and threw the blood stained cauliflower into the garbage disposal.

"Just hold on," I pleaded with the phone that was buzzing again. I turned on the sink faucet and rinsed away the blood on my arm, but I was afraid to take off the dish towel. I clenched my hurt hand tight around the now damp cloth, refusing to examine it any more closely.

With my free hand I flipped open the buzzing phone. "I'm fine, Edward," I tried to make my voice sound more confident.

"Alice said you will need five stitches," Edward explained coolly, trying to sound confident, though I knew it drove him crazy whenever I hurt myself. Considering how often I managed to injure myself, Edward was one crazed vampire.

"Ughh," I groaned. "Okay, well I'll drive myself over to the hospital. I think Carlisle is still working." I'd just seen Carlisle hours ago and was embarrassed to need his profession services again.

"Not happening Bella, I'll be there in forty-seven seconds to pick you up."

"I thought you were hunting all day?"

"Not anymore, just sit tight."

"Edward, just go back and hunt. It's bleeding quite a bit, don't be such a masochist. I'm sure I can get myself to the hospital."

I could hear Edward groan. "Bella, it doesn't bother me anymore. Alice has already called to alert Carlisle that we would be there in seven minutes."

"Alert him, Edward?" I rolled my eyes as I heard his car pull up put front. "I'm not an emergency patient!"

Edward came in the door at that very moment. "No but you are the most important patient." He reached down and easily picked me up and headed to the door.

"Edward!" I gasped. "I can walk!"

"Yes, but I'd rather not risk it." I struggled uselessly against him, trying to wiggle free. "So help me Bella, I will tie you up"

I flushed red and froze. If I entered that ER tied up, I was certain I would never be able to look my father –in-law in the eye ever again. With immortality on my horizon, _never_ was a very long time. Edward secured me in his car without further incident. "I just don't like feeling like an invalid," I admitted.

"You are not an invalid, Bella," Edward assured as he started the Volvo and pulled out onto the street.

Exactly six minutes later Edward escorted me into the all-too-familiar ER of Forks. He bypassed the regular check in desk and headed straight for a curtained area. No one even attempted to stop him.

Carlisle was already there waiting. "Just set her on the bed, Edward," he instructed. "Long time no see, Bella."

"Good to see you too, Carlisle." My soon to be father-in-law and favorite doctor was always a reassuring presence in times of stress.

Not that I was stressed- but Edward still was. "Bella, how are you feeling?" Edward asked concerned. "When was your last tetanus shot?"

"I'm fine, Edward, and I don't know."

"We'll do a booster just to be safe," Carlisle assured. "I'm going to take a look at the damage."

I appreciated the warning; it gave me a chance to look away. I could feel Carlisle unwrap the dish cloth from around my hand. I caught some quick movements out of the corner of my eye as I started to feel a little light headed. "Edward maybe you should step out," Carlisle suggested.

"I'm fine," Edward hissed through clenched teeth. I found it odd that Carlisle had suggested it since he often seemed to have as much confidence in his son as I did.

"Edward," Carlisle said more firmly. I turned back to look at Carlisle to see what the big deal was.

That was a bad decision. Carlisle was trying to get the surprisingly excessive bleeding under control. His gloved hands covered in my blood worked quickly to stitch up the wound. "Ohh no," I moaned at the sight as the light headedness returned tenfold.

"Lay back, Bella," Edward instructed as he lifted my feet up on the bed. I managed to follow his instruction and let my head reach the pillows as I forced my eyes shut. The bed was in a partial reclined position, so I didn't have to lie back far. "You'll be alright, don't pass out on me," Edward instructed.

"Right, don't pass out," I repeated as I risked a glance in his direction. Edwards's kind eyes met mine and I took his hand with my free one. "See, not passing out, I'm doing well."

"Yes, you are," Carlisle commented as he applied a bandage to my hand. "I'm just going to grab a tetanus booster and you're all done. Do you need to call Charlie?"

"My phone?" I looked to Edward in question.

"I didn't grab it, here use mine." Edward handed me his little phone and I dialed my dad. I told him it was nothing to worry about, just typical me. He decided to pick up pizza for dinner and I conceded.

Just when I had hung up with Charlie, Dr. Cullen walked back in the room with a little syringe. "Alright, Bella," Carlisle explained as he cleaned my upper arm, "you know the drill. Keep it dry and clean, I'll take the stitches out in a couple days." The sting was quick and barely noticeable. "You're all set, Bella. Edward, will you take her to her father's home?"

Edward made a grumbling sound. "She should come back to our house where we can watch her."

I decided to sit back and watch this disagreement unfold rather than interrupt the feuding vampires. "Edward," Carlisle replied sternly, "Bella belongs with her father right now. We don't need to give the Chief more reasons to dislike you at the present time."

"We could tell him she lost a lot of blood-" Edward insisted, but Carlisle raised a hand to silence him.

"Edward, no. We will not add stress to Charlie's life. Her days with her father are numbered, her days with you are not. Take her to her to her father now."

Edward bowed and nodded his head a little to his father. "Are you ready to go, Bella?"

"Yeah, thank you Carlisle."

"Always a pleasure to see you, Bella." Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

Edward drove me to my old home in relative peace. "Does Charlie have Tylenol at home or should we run through the Thriftway?" he asked me.

"He have some," I assured him. Of course whe had Tylenol, Edward was a worry wart.

"Good, then you don't have any excuse not to take it."

Now it made more sense why he asked, Edward knew I was the type to suffer in silence. "It's not that bad, Edward."

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

"I'll take some before bed just for you," I replied as Edward pulled into the drive way. I noticed that Charlie wasn't back yet; he must have been getting the pizza. "When are you coming back?"

"I'm going to take the car home. Do you want to stay at your father's house tonight?"

"Yeah I do, you don't mind?"

"Of course not, I'll see you in a little while," I said as I leaned over closer to Edward.

"I love you," Edward replied leaning the rest of the way in to give me a sweet kiss. I tried to escalate the contact but Edward quickly pulled away. "Bella-" Edward's sweet voice pleaded.

I worried my lower lip and nodded back to him. He was out of the car in an instant, opening my door. Edward escorted me to the door and waited as I fumbled through my backpack for my keys. I got the door opened and rose up to my tip toes to meet him for one last kiss. Edward permitted this one to linger a bit longer. My arms threaded around his waist as his hands rested on my shoulders.

"I love you," I said back as our moment came to an end.

Little did I know how much that last kiss would mean to me.

I set myself up on the couch with a good book and some of Edward's piano compositions on my CD player. I lost track of time in the peacefulness of my old home. My stomach unexpectedly grumbled in protest of the late hour and its lack of sustenance. I glanced to the clock on the VCR and was alarmed to see it was 8:30 pm. Charlie should have been home by now.

Maybe he got called back to the station. I got up from my comfortable perch and headed toward the kitchen to grab the phone. I phoned his work desk, but there was no answer. Mildly concerned, I decided to dial the dispatch desk.

"Forks Police department," the stale voice answered.

"Hi this is Bella, I was trying to locate my father, Chief Swan. Was he called back in? He should have been home by now."

"No, sorry Bella he left about an hour and a half ago."

"Ok, maybe he got caught up somewhere. Thanks."

I hung up the phone as worry started to creep over me. I had to remind myself that Victoria was gone. There was no threat to me right now. Everything was fine.

I wish he had a cell phone.

I thought I heard some movement above me, like the creaking of that old floor board in my room. I headed for the stairs hoping Edward was back early. "Edward?" I called as I opened the door to my room and looked to the chair he used to always sit in. The small figure waiting in my room was not Edward though. No, I knew that robe and those eyes, even in the pale moonlight that leaked through my open window.

"Jane? What are you doing here?" My voice rattled in fear I could not conceal.

"I have some unfinished business with you, Bella. Aro is disappointed you see." Jane lightly walked around the room running her hand over the dresser by my bed. "Several months ago, I was supposed to return with certain additions to our guard- yourself included. But I returned empty handed thanks to your little husband and his coven. Things didn't go exactly as planned with the newborns."

"Jane, we were never going to join the Volturi. Like we said, the date is set for me; we just need to get my affairs in order to avoid suspicion. We understand the importance of discretion." I emphasized my concern over the vampires' one cardinal law.

"I am so sick of hearing about the Cullen clan. You are all Aro talks about: the mind reader, the seer, and of course you, whatever it is you are. He used to dote over my brother and I, but now his sights have set elsewhere. He even wonders if we were too young when we were turned, he wonders if we are too volatile."

Her shrill voice sent a shiver down my spine. "You are the elite of his guard, surely he adores you and your-" I paused searching for the right word, "talent."

"We have displeased him, once he gets his hands on you, he will no longer need us," she said simply.

My argument was not working and I knew I needed to buy whatever time I could here. "If all you say is true, Aro would be upset at you killing me."

"Yes, that would be unforgiveable. Rest assured Bella, I do not intend to kill you. I intend to make you useless to Aro. I will be his favorite again; you will be nothing but a burden to your Edward by the time I am done with you. Ohh, he'll still change you- but so will I. I will change you to the point of where he will no longer love you, to the point where you are mad. You're foolish to believe that you are immune to me. You may have defied me in Italy before, but I am not so easily defeated. I will find your pain."

Jane rushed at me so fast I was hardly able to comprehend what was happening. In an instant the world turned to darkness.

Author's Note: Merry Christmas, LOL! Sorry for the cliff hanger, but I promise to update next week. Until then won't you leave me your thoughts? Are you surprised Jane came after Bella?


	4. His Reminder of My Pain

His Reminder of My Pain

I was awakened what felt like hours later by the door opening and slamming into my back. I screamed in shock and rolled away from the entrance.

"Ohh, silly me." Jane's child like voice rang through the darkness. "I should pay better attention to where I am going. Welcome to your new temporary home, Bella."

I managed to sit myself up so I could see her. "Jane, why are you doing this?"

"Don't be stupid, Bella." Jane sneered at me as she walked up to me and grabbed hold of a large chunk of my hair. I cried out as she dragged me back away from the door. She broke me free of my bindings, ripping the rope violently. "Some vampires say they remember little of their human lives. My brother and I remember quite well though. It was our abuse that gave us our gifts. Alec always had a way to block out his pain, go to his little happy place but me, well I wasn't so lucky. I was aware for it all, and I wished for nothing more than to return that which was given to me. Every strike, every burn and every break I wished upon the ones who were supposed to love me. You see, Bella I think you'll be like me. You'll remember all of this, and you'll carry it with you for eternity."

"Jane, please, I don't want anything to do with Aro or the Volturi. You know when Edward and his family find us…" I trailed off. "You- you can't take them all on," I stuttered. I wasn't really sure if she could take them on. If her brother was here, she certainly could- but alone, maybe not. She glared at me and I knew she was attempting to use her gift on me. Maybe it wasn't wise to threaten the vampire.

Jane ground her teeth in frustration as I tried to move away from her feet. She reached down and grabbed my hair again and dragged me out of the room. I screamed and reached up for her hand trying to get my feet under me as I scrambled across the dirty floor.

She dragged me through the door and up a flight of stairs that pounded into my back step by step as we ascended. Once we had reached what looked to be a kitchen, she lifted me easily and threw me across a large flat table. My heart was racing in fear and my eyes overflowed in tears as she quickly tied me spread eagle to the table. I quickly realized it wasn't rope she had used to secure me, but barbed razor sharp wire.

It took me a moment to realize that the loud screeching noise was my own voice. I pushed myself against the table trying to find relief from the sharp and cutting pain. "Oooo," Jane paused in whatever she was doing by the sink. "You are quite more fragrant than I thought you would be. I'm afraid I'm going to need some fresh air, and maybe another snack. Wouldn't want the fun to end unexpectedly- no, that would be unfortunate." Jane stood beside the table, gazing at me with dark red eyes. "Now, you just stay right here, I'll be back."

I blinked and she was gone. I moaned and sobbed again as I felt the moist warmth of my own blood run and drip down my ankles and wrists. She had tied me so tight that I couldn't find any relief on any of my limbs. I couldn't stop the shudders and hitches my lungs made in trying to pull air into my body. The movement only made it all worse. The scent of rust and copper hit my nose and for once in my life I wished I could just black out.

No such luck would come. I resorted to screaming, at first just noise, screeches and screams, but after a while I started calling names. "EDWARD," I shouted, "Edward," I sobbed as the wire sliced deeper into my swelling skin. In my hazy mind I imagined each of the Cullens coming to my rescue. Edward swooping in and taking me gently in his arms, assuring me I would be safe and that he loved me. Meanwhile Alice would hold my hand, telling me it all turns out ok, Jasper calming my racing heart, Emmett and Rosalie standing guard against further attack. Esme would be giving me blankets and trying to soothe me as Carlisle gave me medicine to stop the pain and stitched up my wounds.

But nobody came.

I wondered how long I had been here. I wondered where I was. I wondered again about Charlie. My reprieve was cut short as I heard the sound of heels clapping on the hard wood floor. I recognized the sound from earlier and it wasn't help. It was Jane.

She rounded the corner looking more relaxed and satisfied than she had before. Her eyes burned an even brighter red. I was uncertain what her new mood would mean for me. "You were a bit noisy you know- it's upsetting your father I fear."

"Charlie! What? He's here? Why? Let him go, keep me, do what you want with me, but please let him go!"

"We'll get to him soon enough, for now," Jane paused as she turned to face me, with what looked to be a syringe in her hand, "try to stay quiet as to not cause him too much stress. He is in a delicate state I am afraid."

I struggled against my sharp bonds for only a few seconds before I stopped and stilled again. I watched in horror as she injected me with some unknown drug. My heart speed up and somehow my surroundings became even more clear and crisp- as did the pain.

I let out a raspy scream, my voice failing me in my state of terror. "A strong stimulant, wouldn't want you to miss out on any of the fun. It's amazing the things you can learn on a computer these days and how easy it was to acquire everything I would need. They even ship- I got my order and a snack." Jane smiled at me wickedly as my hands began to tremble.

I thought about my father somewhere nearby and tried to stay quiet as a full blown panic attack assaulted me. I'd never had one in my life, but I was fairly certain that's what was happening to me. Jane stared at me as she twirled a scalpel between her fingers. "Shhhh, now Bella, stay very, very quiet." Jane brought the scalpel down slowly, seeming to drink in the fear in my eyes as I watched the blade cut through the thin fabric that covered my abdomen. The first slice only broke the fabric, which she quickly tore away leaving me only in my undergarments.

She gazed at my skin in thought for a few moments. "Hmmm, what to do, what to do?" She went back to twirling the scalpel in her fingers as she lazily taped her chin with her other hand. "I know! Every time Edward will look at you now, he will remember the pain _he_ has inflicted on you." She emphasized the word "he."

She then brought the scalpel down carefully and began to cut, starting just above my right hip. She didn't apply much pressure, but she didn't need to I suppose. The sharp blade easily sliced through the top layers of my skin as I bit my lip in agony. It burned as she continued to scrawl across my skin. I felt the blood start to trickle down my hip bone and between my legs. I struggled with all my might to stay still as to not worsen the stabs of the barbed wire around my limbs. Yet, I couldn't help but flinch, trying to move away. I managed to muffle the horrid sounds that came from my lungs unbidden.

When she finally finished, she stepped back to admire her work. I moaned and whimpered, wishing I could somehow just pass out, but no peace would come so long as my heart kept pace with a hummingbird's wings. She nodded to herself seeming satisfied. "Well, I think that's enough for today." Jane ripped the barbed wire off me with ease and pushed me abruptly off the table. She then dragged me back down the stairs in much the same way she had taken me up them a while ago.

Jane tossed me back in the room and I skidded across the floor as I heard the door bolt shut once again. I laid there in the dim light for a while, willing my body to stop shaking and hoping my heart would slow to the point of where I could think clearly again.

Instead I just laid there and cured up into a fetal position on my right side with my back to the door. For a long time, I did not rest or relax in the slightest. I felt like all my senses where lit with a hundred volts of electricity. Of course the greatest sense I was experiencing at the time was the pain that burned across my stomach and wrapped around my wrists and ankles.

Whatever it was that Jane had given me did eventually ware off, but not until what seemed like hours later. I was exhausted and felt so weak, and now sick. I managed to heave myself into the bathroom before my stomach rid it's self of any contents. Not that there was much left in there. I was pleasantly surprised to find the plumbing worked as the toilet flushed away. The sink was so appealing in that moment. I wished to rinse out my mouth and clean the blood from my limbs and body. I wished to drink it in to stop the burning that ravaged my body.

Yet, I knew there was no way I would be able to stand in my current state for any amount of time. I wondered absently, as I laid back down on that dirty bathroom floor, if maybe I had lost too much blood. Would this be where I died? If I didn't die of blood loss, Jane might eventually accidently finish me off. Or maybe I would starve, or more likely die of infection. A new emotion made its way into my being. Anger. I was suddenly mad at Edward for leaving me human for so long, this all could have been avoided.

Edward. I shook the anger from my mind. This was not his fault, though surely he would blame himself. Somewhere out there, he was quite possibly in more pain than even I was. With the thought of Edward, I gave into my exhaustion and faded into a sleep filled with only nightmares.

**Author's Note: Happy New Years! Thanks for your reviews, I really appreciate them!**


	5. Cold and Fire

Cold and Fire

I was cold; freezing, really, and I needed to get off the floor. My body was cramped, weak and sore beyond anything I had ever experienced. I reached above me and wrapped my fingers around the edge of the sink above me. With a heave, I managed to pull myself up on my feet.

I stood there for a moment as I braced myself leaning on the porcelain. I looked down at my blood covered wrists with the cuts and holes that decorated my skin. I reached a hand towards the faucet and was able to wrench what should have been the hot water on.

Rusty brown liquid spewed from the faucet. I watched as it slowly turned cloudy white. I tentatively ran my hands under the cold water- of course it wasn't even mildly warm. The blood slowly dissolved away revealing the extent of my wounds.

I was suddenly grateful that I just had a tetanus booster. Of all the worries haunting me, lock jaw would not have to be one of them. I laughed inwardly at my own ability to find light in this very dark place. Some soap would have made me even happier, but no such luck. I managed to wet an old towel near the sink and use that to clean my ankles and stomach, though I couldn't tell what Jane had scrawled across my skin.

I debated drinking the water. I was thirsty, but if it made me sick I would regret it. I supposed I would have to drink it eventually, so I risked a taste. I cupped a small amount of the still slightly cloudy liquid in my hand and brought it to my lips.

It wasn't awful, I mean it was hardly the fancy bottled stuff Edward kept around his house for me, but I deduced that it was drinkable. I found an old blanket back in the main room and curled myself up in the corner as I wrapped it around me and sat there. I idly wondered if Alice could see me, not that it would help much. I couldn't see where I was, but at least she would know who.

Jane. I had no idea she harbored such resentment towards the Cullens and I. Maybe it wasn't resentment as much as it was jealously. In any case, I was determined not to let her break me.

I shivered again in cold and was suddenly fiercely hungry. I couldn't possibly have been here that long, a day or two maybe, at most, but probably not even that long. There was no way I would find any food here though, unless Jane chose to feed me. The thought of food made me feel sick again and I managed to maneuver my way back into the bathroom.

I heaved again, still not ridding my stomach of anything but bile. After sitting there for a while I pulled myself up to the sink again to clean out my mouth and drink some water. I noticed that the bleeding had all stopped and the blood was starting to crust around my wrists.

I made my way back into the main room and curled myself on the floor away from the door with the blanket. I saw the one lamp flicker and suddenly dreaded what would happen if the light went out. There was still the bathroom light, but it wouldn't do much for main room. There was nothing else for me to do but lay there though. I listened intently, trying to hear if Jane was somewhere out there, or worse, my father.

It was only quiet, haunting quiet that surrounded me and the now flickering light. I faded into another nightmare riddled sleep after a few hours alone, wishing for home and those I loved.

_There was a fire blazing on dry wood and timber that was surrounded by the sand of an infinite beach. At first glance I thought it was a camp fire or signal fire, but it was too large, and the smoke was a different color. I took a deep breath as I approached the fire, feeling its intense heat and smelling the sweet smoke. It was familiar to me then. This was a vampire inferno._

_I didn't see anyone else around, so I decided to walk around the fire. It mesmerized me in its flickers and flames that licked up towards the night stars. As I approached the far side, I saw Edward standing there. It was as if he was patiently waiting for me to come to him. Our eyes met and I treaded quickly reaching out to him as I came near. He took my hand confidently and pulled me to his side, where I belonged. We stood there in silence as we admired the fire that continued to consume._

_Then I saw the most precious little boy dressed in dark jeans and a button down white top. His hair was a familiar bronze and his eyes were deep burgundy. He was enthralling, and breathtaking. And he was in danger._

_He walked directly to the flames, not caring for himself. "Stop!" I cried out to him, but the boy didn't stop. I pulled at Edward wanting him to let go of me so I could save him. Edward's firm grip did not release me. _

"_No Bella," Edward said to me calmly as I continued to try to work myself free of his grip. "We cannot save him." He spoke with certainty and indifference._

"_No!" I screamed as I watched the boy reach out for the flames and burn his hand. He pulled it back quick and he turned to Edward with a look of question on his sweet little face and a blood red tear that ran down his cheek. Edward nodded to the boy and I watched in horror as the boy turned back to the flame and walked in. _

_The flames engulfed him immediately and cracked with new fever. I cried out in terror for the little boy._

I awoke with a start. I was drenched in sweat and the small blanket had tangled itself in my legs. I was dizzy and felt ill again, but didn't bother going to the bathroom as I knew my stomach was already empty. I looked down to my wrists and saw the angry, red skin. My ankles looked to be in a similar state. By some stroke of luck, the scrawling on my stomach seemed to be healing alright, there were soft scabs there.

"Good morning, Bella." Jane greeted me from near the door. I looked up at her suddenly and pulled the blanket up trying to cover myself. "Hope you slept well."

"Jane, please," I squeaked. I didn't know what to plead for or maybe I simply knew any pleading would be useless.

She threw a bag across the room that landed at my feet. "Eat, then come up stairs in ten minutes, otherwise I will come and get you."

With that she turned on her little heel and floated up the stairs. I opened the bag, starved yet scared of what I would find. It looked like your standard take out: cheeseburger and fries. I would have given the world for a big diet coke, but I was stuck with just the cloudy water it seemed. I ate the food knowing I really didn't have much choice. My body was fighting off infection and would need whatever fuel I could keep down.

The remaining seven minutes crawled by as I reeled over what to do. There was no part of me that wanted to go up those stairs. Yet, I knew if I didn't she would come for me and surely that would be worse. I didn't have a clock to measure time with, but I was certain it hadn't been ten minutes yet. The waiting was insanity.

With the weak state I was in, it would take me a few minutes to climb those stairs anyways, so I decided to start my journey. Each step hurt and each step would only bring me more pain. I reached the top of the stairs and saw that familiar kitchen. There was a window that let in a foggy light from the outside. At least now I knew it was day, but beyond that I had no concept of what time had passed.

I looked around the room and all the horror it held for me. My own blood still stained the floor. I gazed at the table dreading what I would find. There at the head of the table, seated and obviously bound to the chair was my father.

I ran as fast as my injured legs would move me to him. I tried to untie him but the knots were too tight. "Now Bella, no doing that." Jane grabbed hold of my shoulder and pulled me away from my father with such force that I crashed into the counter several feet behind me. The pain in my shoulder was blinding and I couldn't move it. I knew it was dislocated and I was overwhelmed by the searing agony.

Through all the shock and trauma I was suffering, it was the sight of my father, beaten and abused, that broke me. He didn't deserve this, and a large part of me couldn't help but wonder if I was responsible for bringing it upon him.

**Author's Note: Once again thanks for your reviews, favorites and alerts! After this chapter, the story will be changing pace as we switch over to Edward's view.**


	6. Disagreement

**Author's notes: Thank you for all your support, reviews, faves and alerts on this little story. Time to switch gears! I now take you to Edward and his search for his wife.**

**Disagreement**

"Edward, I can't!" Alice sobbed as her hand clutched at her heart.

"Keep looking, Alice," I demanded of her. "We know it's Jane, she's got to give something away soon." Alice was holding information from me and it was exceedingly frustrating. I knew she was just trying to spare me, but I didn't appreciate it. Not at all.

There was a flash of Alice's vision that appeared in my head. I heard Alice whine again in agony over the sight of my sweet Bella feverish and sick with infection, I could all but smell it coming off her wounds. She was pale and sobbing as if the world had ended. She was delirious, at best, devastated and heartbroken at worst.

"Alice, go," Carlisle instructed sternly. "Take Jasper and hunt. Clear your mind for a while."

I growled at Carlisle for the suggestion. I hadn't really growled at him since my newborn days. "No! We can't waste time; we need to find her now."

"Go, Alice." Alice nodded to Carlisle and was out the door with Jasper following close behind. "Edward, she's not of any use to use like this. Let her clear her head and get a fresh perspective."

"We don't have time!" I yelled at him as he tried to stay calm. I knew his sanity was balancing on a knife, not as precarious as mine, but still marginal at best. "Carlisle, she's- she's…" I trailed off, I couldn't utter the words nor bear the thought.

He completed the thought for me, _dying. Yes son, I know. Alice has not seen her die yet though. Just because Bella is fading from Alice's vision does not mean she will die, you know there are other things that interfere with her sight. _

"She's everything, I can't-" My world was falling apart and I found it hard to speak.

"I know, son. We'll find her." Carlisle stepped beside me and put an arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.

"What are we going to do about the story?" Rosalie interrupted as she entered the kitchen. She was worried about our cover. This only served to irritate me, though in her defense she felt some level of sorrow over Bella's suffering, she could relate to that.

"Charlie is scheduled to start work in two hours," Carlisle explained, it amazed me the information he had access to through the hospital, local law enforcement connections came with his territory sometimes. "They will certainly notice he is missing then. I imagine once they realize he is unreachable, an officer would be sent to his house. They will call here later tonight I suspect, asking for Bella. Edward, we need to make a decision. Either we report Bella as missing or we pretend you and her are back on the island."

At Carlisle's mention of the island, my still heart twisted. Our happily ever after was much too short lived. I closed my eyes in concentration, I knew we should report her as missing, but if we did it would bring my family under the microscope, a place we didn't like to be. Taking Alice's visions into account, there was a good chance if Bella survived, she would need to be turned. If we reported her missing it could create the perfect cover for her death. Doubt clouded my mind though with Charlie in the equation now. If he survived, and that was a rather large if, I doubt she would be able to stand being separated from him.

"We have to report her missing," I admitted.

_I agree son, do you want to wait until they call or take care of it now?_

"Let's just get it over with so we can get back to the search." I walked over to the counter and picked up the phone, quickly dialing Forks Police Department. I easily played the part of the worried husband, reporting my wife unaccounted for. The operator took my information and assured me Bella would be found. I tipped them off to Charlie's disappearance, said I was unable to reach or find him either. An officer would be by our home in a couple hours to investigate. After I disconnected the line, I groaned in frustration. That was three more hours I was about to lose making sure our cover was maintained. I wanted to get back out there. I needed to get back out there.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but the delay is good. We need a chance to regroup and Alice needs a chance to get a fresh outlook. Go hunt, come back, we entertain the officer for an hour then we go North."

I was done arguing with Carlisle; I would have to trust him and his sound judgment. I ran out the door with Rosalie on my tail. I ignored her- I really didn't want the company. I was just looking for the first decent sized animal my nose came across. I focused my mind on the hunt and let my senses take over. I quickly stumbled upon a herd of elk seven miles east of home.

In less than a minute I had drained three of large animals. Rosalie took one of her own. Her thoughts toward me were sympathetic, she related to the abuse Bella was likely suffering. It brought forth her own clouded memories and the turmoil of her existence thereafter.

"I don't want to hear it Rose," I complained.

"Edward, I know you think you have this all figured out but just hear me out." I didn't interrupt her; she was going to pester me until I took her opinion into consideration. I planned to change Bella as soon as we found her, hoping to both ensure her further safety and minimize her memory of the traumatic kidnapping. Rosalie disagreed with my plans.

"Edward, you have to give her a chance to heal. When we change we are frozen, physically and emotionally in the state we were in. You know more than anyone else how hard it was for me, it still haunts me. I remember it all very clearly, and that's because it was the last thing to happen in my life. The good memories are the ones that have faded because those were before the pain and suffering. Think about it, Edward. Esme remembers losing her child, Carlisle remembers the disapproval of his father, Alice remembers next to nothing. We have a chance to do this right, for her to come into this life remembering happiness with you. Jane has set out to scar her for eternity, don't let her succeed. Let Bella heal while she still can, while she's still human, while change still comes so easy."

"You would have me let her body, mangled and broken, slowly and painfully mend it's self only to be subjected to the flames of venom months maybe even years later? Meanwhile, she could still be at risk of all this happening again? What if she is taken from me again! No! I can't risk it. I of all people fought for her humanity, I wanted her human more than anything else. But now I am the selfish one, I want _her_, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure she remains mine and safe. I cannot deny her anymore."

"See what she wants then," Rosalie suggested, fairly certain that Bella will have changed her mind by the time Jane is done with her.

"I know what she wants." It was true, this is something Bella has wanted since the beginning, and nothing Jane would do to Bella would change that. Bella was a strong soul; Jane would not be able to break her. The death of Charlie will hurt, as Alice has already seen. Though devastating to my Bella, she will come through it. And it may not even be a concern, Alice's vision is blurry, Charlie may still be rescued with my wife.

"Nothing Jane can do will change Bella," I said with certainty.

I followed Rosalie's thoughts, _All I ever wanted to be was a mother, to make a happy family and home. Royce made me a killer and I have since been little more._

**Author's note: Interesting thought? Has this ever crossed you mind while reading the books? Please share your comments by clicking the review link below (it makes me happy).**


	7. Alive

Alive

_Bella is still alive._ Alice repeated me to me again and again. The fact that she was alive was the only thing that was keeping my sanity at the moment.

Six days.

Six days, four hours, twelve minutes, and twenty-three seconds.

_Bella is still alive, Edward. Stop it!_ Alice gripped my shoulders, freezing me in place. Jasper had given up trying to calm me; in fact I think I was making him more anxious and upset. Alice, Jasper and I were in a small clearing of forest waiting on the others to join us. This was our meeting spot after we had swept the next area in the grid.

I appreciated the structured approach we were taking because I knew it was the best and most efficient way to find my Bella. Yet it also frustrated me beyond comprehension- all I wanted to do was run around in wild search of her.

The direction of the wind changed, and I caught the scent of dog stench, Jacob and Seth in particular. They had agreed to help us just two days after the disappearance, when the story went public. The rest of the tribe stayed back in La Push, protecting the territory from further threat.

_No trace, Edward._ I heard from Jacob's thoughts moments before they entered the clearing. Rosalie and Emmett followed closely behind with similar thoughts. We all waited together in difficult silence for the rest of my family.

Alice released me from her stone grip and I began pacing again. Seth and Jacob remained in their wolf forms and took rest on the soft forest floor.

We all waited. And waited.

I saw a flicker in Alice's eye half a second before the vision began. She instantly tried to block me out, attempting to bear Bella's pain on her own. Alice loved Bella, not in the same way or on the on same level that I did, but she did love her, of that I had no doubt. But this vision was not the typical she had become used to recently. We were with Bella, we had found her! Alice let the vision come though and I watched as I easily pried open a metal door to what appeared to be some sort of tornado shelter or basement. Bella was there and she was alive, but only barely. The vision faded away and Alice snapped back to the present with me.

That was when I heard Carlisle and Esme approaching our meeting area from the north. They were blocking their thoughts and I didn't know what that could mean. With Alice's recent vision, I knew it had to be connected. I had hope again.

They entered the clearing a few seconds later, a mixture of hope and dread on their confused faces. "We found something," Carlisle began.

"What did you find," I interrupted. We gathered around in a lose circle, the wolves joining in.

"The scent of another vampire. It's a couple days old, we followed it for several miles, but came back to regroup before we pursued it further. The scent has faded significantly in the rain, but I am fairly certain it was Jane. We should go at once."

There was no further talk, we just followed Carlisle and Esme's lead. Scenarios ran through Carlisle's head as he prepared for whatever state Bella might be in. I fully intended to change Bella as soon as we had her in a safe location, but Rosalie's words haunted me. For so long, I wanted to prevent or at least delay Bella's change, now was I truly so willing to not even regard her wish? Could Rosalie be right?

I was uncertain of anything anymore; all I could focus on for now was finding her.

Miles later we came across the scent, it was as Carlisle remembered, faded but present. I agreed that it had to be Jane. We followed the scent for over an hour, but found nothing fresh, the scent was days old. I raced ahead of my family, determined to end this search and bring home my Bella.

I finally found the house that resembled Alice's vision and didn't hesitate in my approach. I knew it was a bad decision to storm the house alone, especially knowing Jane was most likely there. Bad or not, it was the only decision I was capable of making.

I didn't waste time taking in my surroundings or possible threats, I ran straight towards the faint beating heart. I tore that metal door that trapped her right off its hinges.

There she was, huddled in a corner, wheezing and shivering in the cold. My heart broke at the sight of her- she looked so sickly and weak. I knelt beside her and lifted my hand slowly to her face. "Bella," I spoke softly to her. My hand made contact with her jaw and she suddenly stirred and flinched away from me violently. "Bella, it's alright, you're safe now." I reached to check her shoulder that was obviously injured.

Once again at the simple contact of my skin, she panicked. She fell away from me and tried to push herself into the wall behind her. I could her weakened heart stutter and her breath catch in her lungs. "Bella, shhhh. Ohh Bella." I knew touching her again would only traumatize her further, but I had to get her into a position that I could check on her and stabilize her, then we had to get out of here.

There was no sign of Jane, her scent was over two days old, hopefully she was gone. I did catch Charlie's scent as well, but there was only one beating I could hear in this house. Charlie was either gone or dead; in any case I could only help Bella at this moment, so with her my attention stayed. "Bella, hold still love," I said to her with all the sternness I could muster, which was still frail at best. She still flinched away, but seemed weakened and unable to struggle much.

Her shoulder was dislocated, but I was able to establish she had good circulation in her arm still. The infection that was running rabid in her body was my next concern. I could smell her dried blood, but nothing fresh. I didn't detect any internal bleeding. We needed to get her on antibiotics right away.

I finally heard my family approaching the cabin with a little more sensible caution than I had shown. But only two seconds later Carlisle was at my side and the rest of my family and the wolves minus Emmett waited at the door way, looking on with concern. I could hear Jacob's whimper, Esme's dry sob and Alice's whines. I focused on their sounds rather than the horrific analysis Carlisle was making in his mind. If I had any hope at sanity, I had to focus on her, not on Carlisle's analysis, though I could tell that what he found hurt him greatly.

She continued to struggle meekly against us, her body trembling as Carlisle ran his hands over different points. _Simple anterior dislocation, malnourishment, dehydration, fracture to the 7__th__ rib_… That was all I could stand to hear. I tried harder to block it out and just focus on her again.

Carlisle had few supplies on him, we had to move her to give her proper care. My father administered what morphine he had and tried to communicate with Bella. "Sweetheart," he called. "Bella, can you hear me?" She did not respond. "Charlie is not here, though it is apparent that he was about 2 days ago." Carlisle turned to me to explain, knowing I would not have checked any further. At the mention of her father's name, Bella cringed. "We need to go," Carlisle concluded.

I nodded to him in agreement. The morphine started to take affect and Bella's sobs quieted. "Carry her gently Edward, let's get her home."

As if she was made of the finest, most fragile glass, I lifted my dear wife from the dirty floor and walked briskly out of the house. Emmet had gone back to our meeting point to fetch a car and bring it to us; he should be here in just a few more minutes.

I waited on the broken down porch of the cabin for the car to arrive. It had started to rain and I attempted to shelter my dear Bella from the cold and wet. All the while I suddenly became aware of my surroundings, cautious of any possible attack. Carlisle stood beside me, occasionally running his hand across Bella's forehead. He was concerned for her fever, well over a hundred.

The rest of my family stood defensively around us. Their feelings of relief and worry mixed with my own. Finally a few moments latter Emmet arrived with the Jeep. I tenderly lifted Bella into the backseat and begrudgingly sat myself in the front, allowing Carlisle to tend to her. I wanted him taking care of her, so I was able to reason with myself enough to decide he needed to be in the back with her.

No further time was wasted as we raced away from Bella's prison. The rest of my family ran homewards on foot. Driving I estimated it would take us little over three hours to reach home including the ferry ride. "How is she?" Emmett asked concerned.

"She is very sick, Emmett." Carlisle explained, knowing I wouldn't have the heart to answer him. "Some sort of bacterial infection, broken bones and dislocation, but she's not in any pain right now, and over all she is stable. She will make it, one way or the other."

I spent the entire drive facing backwards and watching my Bella. Carlisle had more supplies he had packed n the Jeep. He was able to start her on antibiotics and keep her peacefully sedated. It was frustrating knowing that she was so close to home the entire time, just over the country line outside of Vancouver. Jane had managed to deceive Alice on more than one occasion, and we had chased her ruses through four different states.

_Edward_, Carlisle's thoughts pulled me out of reprieve. _Have you made a decision? Are we going to change her once we reach home? I need to know son so I can care for her appropriately. _

"I don't know." I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. "What if after all this she has decided she no longer wants to be a part of our world? She didn't even recognize me back there, or any of us. I just don't know anymore."

Emmett didn't interrupt us, but made his own thoughts very clear. He believed Bella should be changed right away. "The choice is yours alone, Edward, and a difficult choice it is. We know that Esme, Alice and especially Rosalie have suffered greatly in their change. Even I must admit, though I am unable to prove it scientifically, that their difficulties were quite possibly related to their mental state when they were turned. Change is something that comes difficult to us in this life. We have time, let's get her home and see how things go."

"Yes," I agreed. "I need to get her back first. I want to change Bella, not the injured shell that Jane has left behind for me. Bella is still in there and I will get her back."

**Author's note: Sorry this chapter was a bit late, I've been trying to update every week. Thanks for reading, hope you're happy that we finally rescued poor Bella! She has a ways to go though. Please share your thoughts by reviewing! Until next time, have you checked out my other stories? They're fun too! I'd love to hear about any good stories you're writing or reading….**


	8. Sedated

**Sedated**

Bella was home.

It was all I had hoped and even prayed for: that she would be returned to me whole and safe. She was here, laying in the bed in front of me. Carlisle had reset her bones, braced, stitched and taped her up. My Bella would mend physically, but I now realized the harder journey would be her mental and spiritual healing.

The last forty-eight hours had been challenging. I assisted Carlisle as much as I could, and once he had just a few more stitches to complete, I took a brief leave to finally hunt. I was gone little over fifteen minutes before I returned to her side to watch her sleep. It wasn't the same though; watching her sedated as it was watching her sleep. I missed her innocent sleep talk and the movements she made as she slumbered. In her current sedated state she was too quiet.

It seemed this sedated sleep would be the closest I may get for now. Carlisle had attempted to revive her shortly after I returned from my hunt and after assuring me her pain could be managed. She was frantic and panic stricken when she awoke thirty minutes later. Every touch sent her heart racing, and she shook with fear. When she found the IV safely nestled into her arm, she tried to rip it out.

I'd never seen her react to anything like that before. Bella had no love for needles, but she acted as if it was a poisonous spider that had latched on to her arm. I'd never seen her so distraught, and considering she'd been hunted by vampires, associated with wolves, and faced death, it was completely unlike her.

In her frail state, Carlisle quickly decided to sedate her until she was stronger and more able to handle her emotions. She's been deep asleep ever since, and that thirty-six hours ago. I think part of me is even more afraid now than I was before, when she was missing. I'm afraid of what will happen when we try to wake her up again. Will she panic again? Am I making the wrong choice, should I just change her now? Does she hate me for all this?

There was a soft knock on the door followed by Esme's loving thoughts. _How are you holding up son?_ Her thoughts echoed to me. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a lung full of air.

"I don't know what to do. I feel like I've wronged her in so many ways, and can't help but think I am wronging her now."

"Edward, Bella loves you. Just give her a chance. She needs your patience and compassion." Esme moved to pull up a chair on the other side of Bella's bed. "Carlisle mentioned he'd like to try reviving her again soon. You know her better than all of us, is there anything we can do to help her feel safe?"

I thought it over as best I could before answering. "It was just Carlisle and I here last time, maybe you and Alice should be here. But I don't want to overwhelm her either. She was really upset over the IV so I was going to ask Carlisle if we could remove it before we wake her up, even if we have to put it back in later." I reached over and lightly stroked the fragile skin of Bella's hand that held the small tube and felt her pleasant warmth. "Maybe I should just change her now."

"Sometimes the choices we make are not always right or wrong. I think you have Bella's best interest in heart and as long as that remains true you are making the best decision possible for her."

"Thank you mom. Let Carlisle know that I am ready whenever he is."

"She'll be alright son." Esme leaned over and kissed me gently on the forehead before walking out of the room quietly.

Alice followed in the room next and I could see from her thoughts what was about to happen now that I had made the decision to wake Bella up again. "It will be better this time, Edward. But you have to be willing to give her a little time to acclimate." I saw what Alice meant, things would be rough for the first couple hours, but once we succeed in getting Bella to speak, things become a little easier. That was as far as Alice could see, so much depended on what Bella decided and how she would react.

Carlisle came back in the room with Esme at his side. He glanced over Bella, mentally noting her heart rate, respirations and skin color. He could smell that the infection was lessening, but also noticed some peculiar hormones that he had not noticed before. I raised an eyebrow at him trying to discern what that could mean, but Carlisle hid his thoughts from me.

I growled at him. "She's my wife, Carlisle! I deserve to know- I have the right to know what is going on!"

"Calm down, Edward," Carlisle replied steadily. "I have no intention of keeping anything from you, but nor will I unnecessarily worry you with hundreds of hypotheses. I'll take another blood sample before we awaken her and do some further tests and I will let you know my findings."

I nodded stiffly, unsatisfied with his response. "Can we remove the IV before we try to wake her up this time, I don't want her to be so upset by it."

I saw a flicker in Alice's mind, her memory went back to a gruesome vision of Bella tied down to a kitchen table with what appeared to be barbed wire. I had seen the scene before, but not the part that Alice was now showing me. Jane had injected Bella with some sort of drug before scrawling with a scalpel into her delicate abdomen.

"I don't know what Jane used, but it was driving Bella crazy." Alice referenced the injection. Carlisle and I were already aware that she had been drugged, but whatever it was had faded beyond recognition by the time we took the first blood sample.

What I noticed in the vision now was much more disturbing to me than whatever drug Jane had been using. "Edward," Alice pleaded with me, realizing her slip.

I hunched over in full realization of the full vision she had been hiding from me. Alice had hidden the vision and Carlisle had stitched and covered the evidence. I couldn't help stop the tremble that shook my hands as I raked my fingers through my hair pulling at the strands.

"I want to see it." I demanded.

"Edward, you can't blame yourself for this," Alice pleaded. Her mind flashed with visions of my pain and sorrow over what I knew I would find beneath the clean bandages that clung to Bella's tender flesh.

Silence filled the room as I slowly pulled back the blanket that covered my love. Esme took the blanket and folded it over Bella's waist, then moved beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I lifted the night shirt and began to remove to bandages. Carlisle reached over and solemnly assisted me, resigned that this would happen.

The stitch work was beautiful, more so than what Carlisle would have normally allowed himself to perform. The best plastic surgeon could not hope to ever achieve his skill. The penmanship of the incisions was elegant and smooth along with his delicate stitches. There in perfect cursive, written in the skin of the one I loved was my own name.

"Scaring should be quite minimal, especially once she goes through the change. This was the main source of infection, and I did have to do a significant amount of draining the incisions. I am sorry son for keeping this from you; we never intended to keep it secret long, just long enough to lessen the blow."

I heard his words but didn't process them, my mind was captivated with confirmation of my deepest doubt. This was my fault. The evidence was right there before me. No matter how I tried to look at it, no matter what my family would say, the truth was there right in front of my eyes. I have done many terrible things in my existence, but now I realized my greatest crimes were against my beautiful Bella, lying before me. Her being – her soul would be forever marked by my mistakes.

The room was silent as I softly trailed my finger tips over the stitched skin. When I had traced the last letter I leaned over and kissed the still inflamed skin. I couldn't help the sob that escaped my chest. "Ohh Edward," my mother cooed to me. "This is not your fault. Bella will be alright, she is strong, and this will not change her. Jane has underestimated our daughter."

"It is my fault, but you are right. Bella is stronger than all of this. I can't change what happened, but I will get her though this, then she can decide if she still wants me after all the pain I have caused her."

Alice shook her head in disagreement. "She loves you Edward, as you said, all that Jane did cannot change that." Though Alice met my stare head on, she could offer no solid vision that backed her statement.

"Alice is right, Edward. But let us not argue now, let's bring her back and see what comfort and healing we can offer her. I will remove the IV if you insist, but I'd rather keep her on the antibiotics for now. If we do remove it, I need her to take the medication orally. If there is any doubt we will be successful, we should leave in a line. I don't want to have to start up an IV again as it would traumatize her further. Might I suggest we consider moving it? Perhaps the lesser saphenous vein, she may not notice it right away."

It was a viable option. I knew from my studies that IVs placed in the feet had more problems with circulation and infection, both of which we could easily manage. "They are supposedly more painful," I commented.

Carlisle nodded and acknowledged my point. "Yes, they can be, but that's another good reason to keep a line- pain management. A line would enable us to continue to be able to administer morphine as needed for fairly instant relief. Yet, if you think she might find it too quickly or be upset by it, we'll manage her pain as best we can through oral medications." _Assuming she would take those, _he added mentally.

I had to make another choice for Bella. It seemed like such a small thing, but to me it was pivotal. I raked my hand through my tangled locks again. The others just waited for me to decide, trying not to push their thoughts. "I am sorry son, I didn't mean to cast this upon you as well. As long as you are agreeable, I will move it and if it upsets her we can perhaps utilize your brother's abilities."

Relief washed over me and I don't know if it was the weight of having to make a decision on her behalf leaving me, or if Jasper had been listening in from the living room and was signaling his willingness. I nodded in agreement. Carlisle took only a few minutes to move the IV to Bella's right foot. He worked carefully, attempting to place it in both an effective and comfortable angle. After he secured it, he easily covered the site with a blanket and moved the IV stand out of her view behind the bed.

He then switched the bag out and started Bella on a new solution, one that didn't contain a sedative. She would awaken without the sedative being constantly administered in approximately twenty minutes. I could see from Alice's vision it would only take eighteen.

I held her hand, hoping I wouldn't scare her this time, as we all waited for Bella to come back to us.

**Author's Note: We're almost ready to wake up our sleeping beauty, hopefully her nightmares will soon be over. We'll probably switch back to Bella's Point of view in the next chapter, unless I have requests otherwise? Thanks for reading!**


	9. Touch

**Author's note: I know an update is long overdue on this story and I apologize for the delay. What can I say, work decided to send me out on a cruise ship to work for a week, life is rough right? The good news is, this is a nice long chapter, so enjoy! And thanks again for your reviews!**

Touch

BPOV

My head was foggy and my body felt weak. I was so tired, yet sleep brought me no real rest. No, sleep was where the real demons came to haunt me. Somewhere in my rattled brain, I knew that the demons weren't nightmares, they were memories.

My father was dead. I'd watched as Jane slowly drained him in front of my eyes. For all the lies and deception Jane wove, she spoke the truth the night she killed him. His death was my fault.

I had brought vampires into my world and into his. I had made that choice, and he paid the price for it.

I debated opening my eyes. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what was out there. I could remember quite clearly what had happened the last time I opened my eyes. There was pain, and memory and more poison. The cold touch of Jane still lingered in my mind. I had tried to slip into the peaceful darkness more than once, but I was always dragged back.

I could feel myself being dragged back now, but I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to face the world anymore. Edward was gone, my dad was gone, and I think a part of me- the part that was innocent and young was also gone. All that was left was the pain.

My eyes dragged open and I took a shaky breath, trying to prepare myself for what would come next. What I saw this time surprised me a little. Edward had made appearances in my mind several times since Jane had taken me, and I had seen Carlisle a time or two as well. So Edward and Carlisle standing in the background was not new, though normally Edward was closer. It was the faces of Esme and Alice beside my bed that surprised me. I had never seen them in the forefront of my dreams before.

"Bella, sweetheart," Esme's voice sang. "You're safe now." She didn't reach out to touch me as I expected her to. In fact they were all very still- vampire still. I tensed waiting for one of them to strike. The Cullens weren't really there, it was just my over hopeful imagination. One of them is actually Jane, one of them was about to lash out at me.

I quickly closed my eyes again; I didn't want to see her come at me. I couldn't help the shake that rattled my body in anticipation.

Nothing came. The only sound was my short gasps for air and my heart that pounded in my ears. It was then that I noticed that I wasn't in nearly as much pain as I had been, and to my own disbelief I felt stronger that I had.

I wasn't sure how long Jane had me prisoner, but this was a definite improvement. I opened my eyes again and ignored the figments of my imagination as I took a personal assessment. I was lying in a partially reclined position. I was wearing a soft nightgown and a blanket over my legs and feet. I noticed the clean bandages that wrapped around my wrists and a sling for my injured shoulder, but there was no longer any tube attached to my arm, which was a relief. I slowly pushed the blanket down my body and pulled up the gown to look at the infected would on my midsection.

It was covered in clean white gauze, but I could tell it was smaller than before- it was healing. I pulled the blankets back up over myself and closed my eyes again. This wasn't possible. I hadn't thought they would ever find me.

I opened my eyes again, now filled with tears that streaked down my face. "Edward?" My voice croaked.

Moving slower than I expected him to, Edward stepped up to my bedside. "I'm here love, no one will hurt you ever again. I love you." He looked like he had more to say, but he spoke no more. He tentatively reached for my hand. The second his cold skin made contact with mine, it brought back a thousand memories of pain.

I jerked my hand back from his touch. I saw the look of devastation that flashed across his face before he collected himself. "Edward, I-"

"Bella," he interrupted me. "It's alright. You just need to rest and recover now. Are you in pain or sore anywhere? Are you hungry or thirsty?"

"I-" I struggled to find words as the Cullens all awaited my response. "I don't know. I-"

No one interrupted my thought; they patiently waited for me to continue. I just looked down at my hands and started to pick at my fingernails- a recent nervous habit I picked up.

It was Carlisle who spoke up. "Ok, we'll take it slow and easy. Esme, will you warm up some soup for Bella?"

"Of course dear, what type of soup would you like, Bella?"

"I uhh-" I stuttered again. I don't know why, but I was suddenly scared again, like I might give a wrong answer. Was there a right answer? I felt the panic coming on again as I tried to lock it away. Somewhere in my head I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself.

"I can see she'll enjoy chicken noodle." Alice saved me from the decision. My eyes quickly flashed to hers, and she gave me a reassuring smile. "And maybe a grilled cheese sandwich." I nodded my head in thanks to her.

"Good." Carlisle agreed. "Bella, if you do feel any discomfort, let me know and I will help. Please don't suffer in silence."

The words _suffer in silence_ sent me over the edge I had been teetering on took me back to that basement again. This time I couldn't quell the emotions that raged inside me. I was there again, huddled in a corner, struggling to control the whimpers that escaped my lungs with every breath. I could feel the stinging pain that wrapped around my ankles and wrists, the anxious rattle of my heart as it beat unthinkably fast in reaction to what Jane had drugged me with. I was there and I couldn't get out.

"Jasper!" I heard Alice call out. Her voice sounded far away, like she was at the end of a tunnel. Just a second later I felt the anxiety and fear leave my body. My heart slowed down and I started breathing again. The basement melted away from my sight and I saw the concerned looks of Edward and his family.

"I'm so sorry dear, I didn't mean to upset you." Carlisle bowed his head in shame as if he could have known what he said would disturb me so.

"No," I spoke. "No, I'm sorry. I- I didn't mean to panic like that."

Edward smiled his crooked grin at my response and it was a beautiful sight that warmed my heart. "There's my Bella, trying to blame yourself." Edward moved back close to me, but didn't reach out to touch me. He pulled a chair over and sat down beside me. "It's not your fault; just rest."

Alice, Esme and Carlisle filed out of the room and left Edward there with me. "Love, I know this will be very hard for you, but we need to know." Edward leaned forward in his chair and I resisted moving away. It wasn't that I was scared of him per say- but things about him brought back memories I didn't want to dig up. He and his family were walking triggers for my panic attacks. "Do you know where Charlie is?"

Apparently his question didn't upset me as much as he thought it would. I would have been upset if he didn't ask, I would have wanted Charlie to be rescued too of course. "Charlie is dead." My voice was dead pan and monotone. To someone who didn't know me, they might have thought that I didn't care, but the opposite was true. I cared but had filed it away to be dealt with at a later time.

"I'm so sorry." The pain revealed on Edward's face was unbearable, so I simply closed my eyes, seeking the void. After a few minutes he began to hum my lullaby and I faded into sleep.

"Bella," Esme called to me softly. "Bella, I have your dinner." I awoke with a start, but quickly gathered what little composure I had.

"Thank you." I said simply as Esme set the food on a tray over my lap. I stayed very still and appreciated that she didn't make any sudden movements. I reached out to take the spoon, but noticed that my shoulder hurt at the movement. My sudden intake of breath alerted Edward to my discomfort.

"That shoulder is still healing, you need to try and keep it still." I nodded to him in acknowledgement; I had forgotten my shoulder was so hurt. I managed to eat quietly using my other hand. I knew the food should have tasted wonderful, but it was a little tasteless to me. The soup was homemade, no doubt, with chunks of chicken breast, carrots and celery with perfect little noodles. I ate it all and was tempted to ask for more but decided against it.

After I finished eating, Emmett and Rosalie came by to visit me. Thought Rosalie didn't say much, I could tell she was concerned for me. Emmett even restrained himself and was careful around me as he gave me a rather large teddy bear. It upset me that they were trying so hard _not_ to upset me- if that even made sense. Alice and Jasper followed in afterwards. Edward remained in the room, carefully watching his family members interact with me. Alice brushed out my hair and managed to keep her cold touch away. I was proud of myself for not reacting negatively to her closeness, but I knew most of my calmness was coming off of Jasper. He spoke to me soothingly, recanting how the family had found me. Oddly enough, it was good to hear.

As I began to grow tired again, Alice and Jasper wished me a good night as Carlisle and Esme came back in. I watched intently as Carlisle arranged some medical type supplies on a table across the room from me. He walked back to my bedside, his hands easily visible and empty. "I don't mean to stress you Bella, but I would like to change your bandages again before you go to sleep. I promise to be quick."

He was standing on one side of my bed; Edward had stood up on the other. Esme stood at the foot of my bed. I suddenly felt very trapped. My only escape route was behind me. I started moving my feet and trying to scurry up the bed using my one good arm to push my body up. "Bella, stop!" Edward called to me and reached to stop me. It only made me struggle more to get out of their reach. There was a sudden sharp pull of pain in my foot, but none of them had touched me.

Carlisle moved toward Esme and pulled her away. "Edward, give her a little space," Carlisle demanded. Reluctantly, Edward took a small step back with his head bowed and turned away from me as if he didn't want me to see him. I was grateful for the space and took several unsteady breaths, trying to calm myself down. My reactions were ridiculous, but instinctual.

The tears stared streaming down my face. I suddenly realized that maybe I was ruined, at the very least damaged. No wonder Edward couldn't look at me; how could he be expected to love someone he couldn't even touch anymore?

Through my glassy eyes I saw red staining the sheet near my foot. I pulled that leg towards me and moved to pull back the sheet to see why I was bleeding. "Bella, it's okay just lie back down, relax love," Edward requested of me. I saw him mouth something to his father and Carlisle obviously replied in his mind back to Edward.

Carlisle put his hand in his pocket seeming to grab something. "Bella, there is no reason to upset yourself. Just lie back, as Edward said, and take a few deep breaths for me." I froze and was at a loss for what to do. I wanted- no, I needed to know why I was bleeding, but the sight and smell of blood would only upset me more. I didn't want to be upset anymore. I didn't want to be so scared and stressed. I just wanted some peace. I stared Edward in the eye and I knew if I wanted any chance at keeping him I needed to do as he asked.

I couldn't relax, I wasn't capable of it. But I did move my foot back down the bed and laid myself back against the pillows. _Ohh god, when he touches me again, I'm going to panic_, I thought to myself. I shivered in anticipation.

"Ohh sweetheart," I heard Esme's soft voice speak to me. "There's no reason to be so afraid. We love you, your family, my daughter, please dear, don't be afraid."

"I'm sorry." I managed to say. "I'm so sorry, I don't mean to-" I sniffled. I hated what I had become and believed Edward and his family most likely felt the same way. Were they just trying to care for me out of guilt? I couldn't let them do that. "Y-You-" I stuttered. "You don't have to do this." They looked at me puzzled. "I can go back home, I understand if you all need to move on. I don't mean to be such a burden." The pieces of the puzzle were clicking together in my head. Edward could barely stand to look at me, his family obviously hindered with my presence and the most convincing evidence of all: my beating heart. Even in my near death state, Edward had once again refused to change me, proving to me that he didn't want to keep me- not like this. Surely he would stay with me as long as I lived if I asked, but only out of guilt for what had happened. Though I loved him, I knew I couldn't possibly live like that, knowing that he was only there because of his guilt. "Don't stay with me out of guilt, Edward."

"I stay with you out of love," Edward proclaimed. "Don't you ever think otherwise. You are the only one for me- ever."

"Then why?" I asked him. "Why am I still human? Why didn't you change me? This could all be a faded human memory."

"Your change should to be on your terms and your time, not because Jane or anyone else forced it. You know that when we change we are frozen in that state for all eternity. With Rosalie and Esme's experience, we thought it may be a good idea to let you heal, both physically and mentally before, because after, change does not come to us easily. But if you say you are ready now, then I will change you now. You will be mine forever, don't doubt that."

"You are not a burden to this family," Carlisle added. "You complete this family. We just want to help get you better, dear daughter. Why don't you take a few moments with Edward, and I'll come back few minutes?" I nodded in reply to him and he and Esme left me with Edward.

Once the room was clear, Edward spoke to me again, "I promised to love you forever, why would you doubt me?"

"What if I'm not the person you promised to love? What if she's gone? What if she died there in that basement?"

"She didn't. She was hurt, but she's not gone, not at all." Edward sat back down beside me and put his hand on the sheets next to mine. "Bella," Edward paused, seeming to resolve himself to something. "Do you want me to change you now?"

I knew that he would if I said yes, but somewhere in my boggled mind I knew I wasn't ready. I did want time to heal. "No, not yet. Edward, what are you going to tell the authorities? What about Charlie?" A chief of police and his daughter gone missing was no small thing after all.

"You both died in the fire that burned down the cabin, along with your kidnapper. Jane had left behind some bodies that she fed on and we simply planted the evidence that would link those bodies back to you. The funeral was two days ago. We didn't have much choice, even if we found Charlie alive, which Alice implied we would be too late, he would have to start over with us again as well."

I had figured as much, but needed to know none the less. I looked at Edwards hand again, so close to mine, but not touching. Ever so slowly I moved my hand towards his. Not thinking of the pain and cold I had felt at a touch similar to his, but instead focusing on the love, passion and pleasure that_ his _hands had brought me. I slowly ran my index finger over the back side of his smooth hand. He turned his hand over as my finger traced towards his wrist. I was reminded of the first day we spent in the meadow and I had traced his light blue veins as he sparkled in the sun. A crooked half smile graced his lips as I laid my hand in his.

I was torn out of my peaceful moment by a twang of nausea. "I need to go to the bathroom now." Edward must have seen the distress on my face because he didn't hesitate in quickly helping me out of my bed and escorting me to the bathroom. Once inside, I lost my dinner and then some it felt like. Edward fretted, fussing over me and trying to soothe me. After a few minutes of sitting there on the floor, Edward helped me to my feet and to the sink. I rinsed out my mouth and tried to wipe away the sheen of sweat that covered my face. I threw my arm around his shoulder as he helped me back to my room. The coldness of his touch was soothing me now, when just a little while ago it had scared me. It's amazing what necessity will force your body to accept.

Carlisle was back in the room with a concerned look on his face. I could see Edward nod in response to whatever questions he was silently asking him. "Carlisle, what are you hiding?" Edward asked him suddenly and unexpectedly.

"I need to run some more tests," he answered. I could hear a barely audible growl come from Edward. "Bella, would you allow me to give you something to help you relax while I try to figure out what is wrong? You're still weak and I don't want to traumatize you further, it would just make it easier for you."

Although I really didn't want to be drugged, I was certain I didn't want to be so scared anymore, so I nodded my head in agreement. Edward just touched my hand with his fingers, an offering of comfort that I took as I wrapped my hand around his. There was a quick sharp prick on my other arm and just moments later I felt my muscles uncoil and my heart slow.

Once the drug had fully taken affect, I felt as if I was in a twilight, somewhere between waking and sleep. I was aware of Edward and Carlisle moving about me, changing the dressings, tending to my foot- I saw that they had put an IV there, but I just didn't care. I also watched as Carlisle took a blood sample and felt around my lower abdomen. Even in my half awake state, I could tell that he didn't like what he found. Edward seemed to grow more frustrated.

Finally the covers were pulled back over me and Edward dimmed the lights after placing some water at my bedside. "We're all done, just go back to sleep." I nodded to him and reached for his hand again. He gently took my hand and I faded into darkness.


	10. Need

**Author's note: Wow, I know it's been a while and I apologize. I got stuck; serious road block. Good news is I think I found a detour. Thanks for sticking with me and sharing your thoughts!**

I awoke as if from a nightmare, but I couldn't remember the dream. I was drenched in sweat and my blankets were all tangled around my feet. I was alone in the dark room and immediately realized I was going to be sick again. Somehow I made it back to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet. Edward came in rubbed soothing circles on my back with his cold fingers. I flinched only slightly at his touch, still acting on instinct in my partially awake state.

Once I had composed myself I went back to the sink to freshen up. "I need a shower." I said simply

Edward nodded to me. "It would probably make you feel better, but not alone, I don't want you to fall. Would you like me to get Alice or Esme- or would you allow me?"

"Just you." Edward was my husband after all and for whatever reason, his touch seemed to bother me the least of his family.

"Alright, let me go get some towels and a robe for you." Edward left the room after turning on the shower to warm up the water. I leaned down to take off my socks, but Edward rushed back in before I had a chance. He set the towels in the sink and knelt down in front of me. "Allow me, love." Edward helped me undress and removed the bandages to check again on my wounds.

"We'll be able to take out the stitches in a couple days," he commented. I just nodded in acknowledgement, they did look better now that the signs of infection had faded away. Edward quickly freed himself of his clothing and stood before me offering his hand of assistance into the shower.

A once long lost memory surfaced in my mind taking me back to Isle Esme. I remembered the excitement, anticipation and the sensations of that first night with Edward and what it felt like to be loved by him. My heart skipped a beat as I gazed as his flawless body and I couldn't help the desire that suddenly flowed through me. I tentatively reached up a hand to his chest and placed my palm over his still heart. Edward remained still, watching my hand as I trailed it down his abdomen and rested my hand at his hip.

Edward looked up at the same time I did and his gaze caught my eyes. Slowly, he brought up his hand to cup the side of my face. I was hypnotized by his beauty and I managed to not move or flinch away from his cold touch. He moved his hand down my neck and rested it on my shoulder, not breaking eye contact with me.

"So beautiful," he said simply. His hand trailed down my arm and took my hand and guided me into the shower with him. Edward was gentle and slow as he helped me shampoo and condition my hair. His fingers massaged my scalp gently in a way that forced my eyes to close in contentment. He took a soft mesh sponge and lathered my body, amazingly avoiding contact with any open sores or stitches. Once he seemed satisfied, he quickly washed himself and turned off the water.

When we were dry, Edward wrapped the robe around me and walked me back to the bed. He had already dressed himself and looked perfect once again- except his hair was a little more tame when wet. There was a soft knock on the door that it seemed Edward was waiting for.

"Come in, Carlisle," Edward announced.

"Hope I'm not interrupting you." Carlisle seemed stiff and not his usual self.

"Not at all," I replied. "It's fine." After my shower I was feeling fairly relaxed and more like myself.

"I wish to share my findings with you," Carlisle said. Edward nodded in response. "I would have never thought it possible, and I promise you I have run every test I can think of- twice. All the symptoms match and all the blood markers are there."

"Dad, please just come out with it," Edward begged.

Carlisle's eyes drifted to me. "Bella, you're pregnant, and there is no doubt that you, Edward, are the father."

Edward laughed unexpectedly. "Carlisle, it's impossible! Ridiculous!" Edward paused and seemed to be reading his father intently. "How?" he blurted out.

"Well, it would seem that your semen remained viable through your transformation. Obviously you are more compatible than I realized."

"What do we do?" I asked.

"You can't possibly be suggesting she carry it to term, Carlisle." Edward stood up to his father and seemed angry.

"I don't know if it is possible," Carlisle replied, "but the choice is yours, both of yours. We can run more tests, try to gather as much information as we can, give you the tools to make the best decision possible."

"I'm going to have a baby." My mind suddenly started to process the information of what that could mean. Somehow, Edward and I- our love, made a new life. It was part Edward and part me- hopefully mostly Edward.

"It's a miracle, it truly is, Bella," Edward began as he sat back down beside me; I could tell he was leading to the big _but._ "But we don't even know if it's safe for you. It's part vampire- part monster."

"Edward, you are not a monster. Our baby is not a monster."

"Bella, you just barely survived a horrific kidnapping, I am not putting your life at risk." Edward spoke with evenly, as if his decision was final.

I had lost so much in the past few weeks: my father, my sanity, my passion. I couldn't lose anything else. "Edward, I-" my voice hitched in my throat as tears started to well up in my eyes. "I _need _this baby."

The pained expression that crossed Edwards face told me that he did not have the strength to deny me. "Bella, please, ask for anything and it's yours, anything but this. I can't stand the thought of more harm coming to you."

The tears were running down my face and dripping on my robe. "Edward, please- please don't take this away from me."

"It is encouraging that the fetus was not rejected while you were with Jane." Carlisle's statement did not please Edward, and he seemed hard pressed to find a decent rebuttal. "The risk of miscarriage was amplified by your trauma. All things considered, it's very encouraging. Though there are certainly risks, I think you have a decent chance at carrying the child to term with the proper care."

Carlisle looked at me a while longer before he gathered himself to stand up. Without really thinking, I reached out my hand to grab his. I squeezed his cold hand gently and he did the same in return. I knew Carlisle was safe, but the cold touch still made my heart chill. Grasping his hand was a great move of trust from my side and it seemed the gesture was not lost on my second father.

As Carlisle left the room, Edward's attention turned back to me. "Bella," was all he said. He seemed at a loss for words. He couldn't deny me this and neither could Carlisle.

~~X~~X~~X~~X~~X~~X~~X~~

The next few days brought with them many trials of my new found fragile trust of my family. Thankfully Carlisle and Edward were nothing but patient and compassionate.

"Bella, love what are you thinking?" It was Edward's most common question to me since I eluded his mental power.

"I was thinking how thankful I am for you and your family, how lucky I am to have your support."

"We have been blessed by you as well- it seems we've been blessed all around: your safety and continued health. How do you feel?"

I think on some level Edward expected me to be in constant pain or distress, but I wasn't. I had all the typical symptoms of pregnancy and then some, but it wasn't as bad as he expected it to be. "I feel good, Edward." I knew better than to use my mantra of _I'm fine_. "I'd be better if you came and sat by me." Edward had got in the habit of not pushing my boundaries, instead he awaited my invitations.

Edward took a seat beside me on the bed and put his hand on my leg. Sometimes I still wondered if he truly still felt the same for me even though I had been so damaged. In the darkest corner of my heart, doubt lingered still. That doubt was fueled by Edward's early insistence of terminating my pregnancy, in that dark corner I wondered if he was cutting ties with me and didn't want to be attached to me through the life of another.

"Bella?" Edward interrupted my chain of thought. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I'm just tired." I wasn't going to bring up my insecurities; Edward would just shoot them down again and again.

"Your body has a lot of healing to do, you need your rest. Would you like to go back to bed?"

"No, I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep. Can we watch a movie or something?"

"Of course, love, what would you like to watch?" Edward asked.

"Something happy." Edward flipped through countless on-demand channels before finding something he deemed suitable. The opening credits rolled on a familiar musical that I recalled seeing back on the Isle. I cuddled close to Edward, determined to keep him there for the entire length of the movie.

After about thirty minutes I started to grow anxious and cold. I wanted to make it through the movie though. But he was cold. I didn't like cold; cold was pain.

"Bella, your heart rate has increased, are you alright? Do you need me to move?" Edward moved his weight away from me.

"No, please!" I looked up at him wanting to reach out and stop him, but unable to gather my courage to. I scrunched my eyes closed and focused myself on my breathing, a trick Carlisle had shown me to help ease my recent panic attacks. I felt ridiculous, and knew my skin was turning bright red in embarrassment.

"Ohh Bella, tell me what I can do, please tell me how to help you."

"Just stay, please?" I knew he was in essence the cause of my fear, but even in this state I refused to push him away. Somehow, he had to also be the source of my comfort.

"Bella, it's okay if you need some space, it's expected for you to take time to acclimate. Maybe I should get Carlisle."

"NO!" My fear and anger bonded together in a new emotion. I wasn't angry at Edward though, I was angry at myself. "No, I was fine earlier, in the shower and before…" I gasped in a breath. "This is silly, I'm fine. I'm fine." I thought if I just kept saying it, believing it, then maybe it would become true.

But it wasn't true, and I couldn't bring the sea that raged inside me to calm. My hands were shaking, my breath coming in gasps, and my skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat.

"I'm so sorry Bella, but it's dangerous for you to be this upset in your condition and with child." Edward stood from the couch and walked across the room. It broke my soul as I felt my body calm down once he was out of reach. "It's not your fault, love. Give yourself time, you've come so far. We have all the time in the world, please don't worry."

I was so disappointed in myself, all I wanted was to make it through one movie, little over two hours and I couldn't even do that. I wasn't about to give up though. I closed my eyes and pictured our honeymoon. That first night I walked out into the warm water to Edward, scared and yet so excited. Happiness. I recalled his cool embrace in the warm water. I drove out all the dark nightmares with my happy memories. Jane could never take those from me.

I opened my eyes and saw only him. I saw the man I loved. Though I was still weak, I forced myself to my feet and walked across the room again, forcing myself to reach out and take his hand. I looked up into his concerned eyes and demanded of him, "Don't leave me."

"Never."


End file.
